Setting In Our Honeymoon

I'm not in a creative mood right now, but I feel like typing. Today was amazing. Sasha and I woke up early, ate a healthy breakfast at the dining hall, worked out for an hour and 40 minutes, showered, then were drawn to the BBQ outside by the sounds of Brand New gracing the speakers. It was the freshman bbq for Perry and Vorhees, and we figured we could score some free hot dogs then peace out. As soon as we walked over we were greated with requests for us to join in on the volleyball game. We did....after we ate yummy food and sat in the soft grass, enjoying the beautiful weather and fun music. Then we played "soccer" with the 5ft tall "soccer ball." Ask me who scored the winning point. Ask! It took 4 people to move that sucker but once it broke free i ran it back over half the field and scored!! I felt like a champ :) Then we danced and played more volleyball and laughed and laughed and laughed. The weather was wonderful. I might have gotten a bit of a tan. Wanna check for me? We met lots of nice people but talked mostly with the RA's and RD's cause come on, the rest of the kids were frosh. Helloooo. Seriously though, everyone was great. Too bad I didn't ask for last names, because now i can't facebook them and be real friends ;) Oh well, they know where to find me.

Did I mention that friends suck ass sometimes and completely dissapoint you and randomly treat you like shit? Moving on...

Growing up is so strange. You realize way too much. You might watch a movie that you haven't seen since you were a kid and it seems completely different. You pick up on more things because you've been exposed to more things. Inuendos, euphemisms, the words inuendo and euphemism. Lately I've been realizing a lot about a lot. Just a few minutes ago I realized why I've never wanted to have a girl. It was always odd because I never had a good reason for not wanting to have a baby girl, but I felt so strongly about it. I guess when your parents make it clear that they never wanted a girl, and when your mom tells you she cried out of pure happiness to find out her third child was not going to be another girl it kind of messes with your, well, everything. If only it stopped there. It's a terrible thing when you finally stop crying over boys and start crying over repressed thoughts. I never ever believed that could happen. How can you repress memories without knowing it? It's a bad idea. Shame on me...from several years ago. I would have been better off dealing with it as a child. I'm so afraid of being fucked up like most people are who have repressed the thoughts of their childhoods. It seems so melodramatic, and I even had trouble accepting it first. The thing I said about not crying over boys anymore, that was very significant for me. Moving on and realizing that I am fine alone (and to be honest, so much happier and stress free) was something I never thought I'd do. I matured. But now the distractions are gone, and unfortunately the timing of certain conversations and issues was bad, and it's all coming together now. How do people deal with this? I can't afford therapy, none of my friends are exactly fit for a conversation of that magnitude, and I'm sorry to say it but Blogger, you're not cutting it either. I'm turning into the characters from all of my favorite books.

I just realized something. I don't necessarilly like bad boys. I thought I did but it was just certain traits that I liked that could be labeled differently. Nice guys aren't honest. They bullshit you and say what they need to to avoid problems...and suspicions. And yes, sometimes they do it because they don't want to hurt your feelings or get into an argument with you, but who wants that? I don't want to fight, but I'd prefer fighting over being lied to any day. Passive chicks like "nice guys" because they get to hear what they want to hear and just go about their relationship in a flatlined fashion. I don't want that. If wanting a straight shooter means wanting a bad ass, then I want a bad ass. Remember folks, I've matured. And I'm learning a lot more than just vague inuendos and the reality of repression. I know when I'm being bullshitted. Do you know that I know?

Sometimes I like to think I'm a genius...