Cause I can hardly see

what's in front of me these days

As I stop my futile, full sprint pursuit from my bar towards the departing bus tonight/this morning I immediately begin to think of ways I can calm myself down from the cliff I am staring off of in my mind. My shirt is still damp from the drinks that had been spilled on me along with other people's sweat and spit from drunkenly attempting to ask what is in a tequila shot. I approach the now empty bus stop and discover I finally have some time to myself. 30 minutes to be exact. I start to take out my ipod but realize what a bad idea that would be. It's 2:45am and I'm standing alone at a bus stop in front of the grease trucks. I think it's probably best to have all of my senses working at full capacity. (I have to interrupt and say that a mouse literally just ran across my living room into the pantry.) After 30 minutes of staring at my phone and thinking of ways to fit sleep into my schedule this year my bus arrives. It's filled with drunk, happy people being drunk and happy. I am safe to use my ipod now but I don't want to. It occurs to me that I actually do not want to hear music. I am now breathing heavily and cracking my knuckles realizing that I am about to burst. It's moments like this when I compulsively think about every awful thing that exists in my life. I know, I know. For now I'd just like for my sleeping pills to kick in and hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to get back on track and stop feeling sorry for myself. I have 6 classes to pass and bills to pay, so rants like this need to stop. I know I'm not alone in this but I wouldn't mind actually meeting someone else with the same burdens. Maybe I could get advice on how to handle it better. For now I'll pretend to care when my friends complain that their parents won't buy them a newer phone or that they couldn't fall asleep till almost midnight when they have an 11am class the next morning. Gosh, some people have it rough. I don't feel better from venting so much but I am sleepy now. With any luck I'll make it to all 3 classes tomorrow and possibly make some money tomorrow night. Sweet dreams