In a sweater poorly knit

Why do I do the things I do?
Why do I work out?
Wear makeup?
Eat nothing?
Do my hair?
Take pills?
I hate being alone but I hate guys even more. I want to trust someone wholeheartedly. That will never happen. I get so confused sometimes by people's actions. I thought I was good at reading people and interpreting their actions towards me but I guess not.



Well here's to living in the moment
cause it passed

But That Day Will Most Likely Never Come For Me

Tonight was cool. Kaela and I are invincible. She really is my best friend. We kinda didn't like eachother a whole bunch when we first met due to certain circumstances, but now we are inseperable. We've been through so much together and I love that girl so much. She's beautiful, smart, funny, and loyal. Our relationship is easy to explain; we are Tyler Durdan and narrator, respectively. What happens to one always happens to the other. It's crazy and I feel like no one would truly understand unless they've been in our shoes for all of the times this has happened to us. Well now she is in a nice relationship and is happy and really trusts this guy. I'm waiting my turn. It's gonna happen for me because it happened for her :)

I haven't been able to feel my feet for hours. Perhaps a symbol? Anywho, I'm going to bed. Too much excitement for one weekend. Ughh this bed is so damn empty

If Blood Is Thicker Than Water Then

You'll drown quicker than we intended.

I'm convinced that my mother wants me to be sad. She has turned me into a cynic and has convinced me that there is no such thing as sincerity in this world. No matter what, someone has an ulterior motive. I can't just accept anything anymore. She has even ruined gifts for me. She fucking researched a gift that I received and reveled in her discovery that there was a potential for lack of meaning and sincerity in it. She called me immediately to tell me of her findings.

I got half depressed yesterday. There was so much mention about Christmas and the holidays. I wish I could be a kid again. Everything seemed fair and wonderful. It wasn't though. It isn't. If I have it my way, I won't receive a single gift for Christmas this year. I want a year off. Unfortunately I already got one person something. I'm probably going to give it to him simply as an apology for the shitty calendar gift from '05 :)

My friends suck terribly sometimes. Lying to me, judging me/hypocrisy, lying some more, sneaking behind my back to spy on me, throwing hissy fits, being manipulative, taking advantage, putting me down, trying to make me look bad. That doesn't sound right. Shitty friends...

I'm dedicating the rest of this day to studying and relaxing. Disregard my rsvp. I'm flying solo tonight.